Friday, February 22, 2013

South Africa's Great White Light.

Oscar Pistorius was granted bail today in Pretoria. Under the condition of his release he must pay one million rand, hand over guns, passport, prosthetic legs, pogo sticks and any other instruments of transport or violence. He has also been instructed to go to bed with a night light on in case the darkness causes Mr Pistorius to panic. Pistorius' defence claimed that the terrifying Nickelodeon series Are You Afraid of the Dark? sparked Oscar's phobia of dark rooms and was an undeniable factor that set him off. 

Furthermore, a petition has been put forward to the South African government in order to place mandatory night lights throughout the country in the hope that an incident like this will never occur again. Never before has South Africa had such an infiltration of white light come in and push out the darkness of the country. 

In relation to Are You Afraid of the Dark?, the defence has argued that this is not the first time fictional violence has influenced a shooting. "Sandy Hook shooter, Adam Lanza was clearly influenced by Kindergarden Cop" contended Barry Roux, Mr Pistorius' lawyer. The prosecution actually agreed with the Roux's accusation of film and television have had a definite affect on Pistorius. However, they focused this argument on Pistorius' account of what happened that fateful night, labelling it under the genre of comedy and claiming that Mr Pistorius has a very creative imagination.

There has been an overwhelming support for the Olympic medalist as fellow paraplegic athletes have hopped to his aid, along with school children, who's homework has been eaten by their dogs. Pistorius said he is relieved with the court's decision and is going to spend the weekend relaxing with his family, while watching his all time favourite actor O.J. Simpson in a Naked Gun marathon. 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Banality of Reality

Today I woke up, relieved myself in the bathroom, looked at my ugly mug in the mirror, washed every inch of my body in the shower before scrambling my eggs. You want to see that? I don't blame you. Also, sang a little jingle, which resembled the sound of a cat getting ravaged by a giraffe. You like my crooning? Hell I can understand that. If it were sensationalised you might take a peek though since people across the world do so every night when they groove into that spot on their couch and click POWER. 80% of our creative soul has been compromised through the genre of reality television. We've allowed the birth of the antichrist and it comes to us in the chameleon like face of grease ball guidos, botoxed housewives/socialites and one-dimensional smiling characters. 

Television shows with no creative merit have charmed us through sensationalism and buffoonery. We are all guiltier than Simpson, Casey Anthony and Nasty Nick. We've watched with a glazed look as the devil squirted out spawns such as Jersey Whore, Come and Defile with me, My Super Greed Material Fiend and Ireland's got Flatulence. The sensationalised wool of banality has been pulled over our eyes!

Real life is bland enough without turning on the television and revising the sheer excitement of going to the bathroom or waiting for the fucking toast to pop. If it isn't the supposed "edginess" of fornication within a sea of fake tan and hair products, then its nauseating spectacle of talentless cretins pouring out their emotions in a cringing fashion. If we aren't watching an Oompa Loompa looking creature throwing tampons at her roommate or washed up brown-nosing, has-been sucking ass (metaphorically speaking of course, I'm not too proud to say I wouldn't watch that) then, heck!, that's just not good television. 

This sad state of affairs brings democracy into question. Should we be subjected to this excess of banal trash week in and week out? For now unfortunately yes, but it makes baby Jesus cry, and by God if he saw this act of crumbling civilisation now, he'd be spinning on his cross faster than the Wheel of Fortune.

True originality and creativity, which help evolve our brains are being overlooked for reality television. In Ireland, The Rubberbandits are the only true original creativity to be produced in this country since Father Ted. The Roman Empire fell due to the apex of self indulgence, what's more self indulgent than watching ourselves eat, sleep and shit.